Oh, Bureaucracy...*sigh*

Sometimes I have to wonder at the people I work for.

For example, I generally page through the newspapers and magazines (especially the magazines) and remove inserts, gratuitous ads, and anything sexually explicit, too violent, etc.  This is policy.  Today, I found a free sample of lotion in one of the magazines.  This means that, when Administration finally catches on (two weeks or so), I will have to turn the whole issue of the magazine over to them, even though I’ve already removed the offending free sample.  Yeah, makes sense to pull a whole magazine THEY paid for so on can read it. 

When something like this happens, I go to the Administrators’ censorship spreadsheet and see if anyone’s raised the red flag yet.  Then I generally peruse the censorship list.  I guess I do this because I LIKE banging my head against the desk.  In the past month or two, here are some examples of items that have been censored (read: pulled from institutions):

• Penthouse Special Down & Dirty Issue
• Yum-Mo-Licious (Nude 45 + Hot Cougars)
• Big Black Book (a book of empty pages for writing)
• Buttcrack Mountain
• Amerikan Prisons are Government Sponsored Torture
• Mass Effect Invasion (comic book/graphic novel)
• Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton

Now, I’m sure you can tell which of these publications might not be allowed in a state prison.  Especially since policy states nothing sexually explicit, graphically violent, concerned with illegal drugs, hate speech, or promoting anti-law-enforcement or government should be available to the offenders.  However, considering that this policy is literally rammed down your throat, how does Buttcrack Mountain or Yum-Mo-Licious even get ordered?  And why does it have to go all the way to the top for censorship?

More importantly, I have issues with both the Mass Effect comic book and Guilty Pleasures.  Both were censored for “promoting violence”.  Do these censors even read?  Comic books are always full of violence.  Would Batman or X-Men be disallowed, too?  And they’re trying to save the universe from marauding aliens.  Possibly with lasers.  So real.  I guess that means I have to pull all the Star Wars and Star Trek books, because phasers and light sabers kill people, so it must be too violent.  And forget Ender’s Game, because unintentional genocide is just too much.

And I actually read Guilty Pleasures before adding it to my own library.  I knew the author could be suspect, so I read it.  It’s a very entertaining book.  And the main character uses magic rituals and a sword (I think) to kill vampires, zombies, ghouls, etc.  Totally fantasy.  I mean, is the sacrifice of Aslan promoting violence?  Do I have to redact when Eowyn kills the Witch-King of Angmar?

My absolute favorite was a book about Indian mythology…censored because it “discusses the origin of death and the first parricide”.  Welp, guess we can’t allow the offenders to have Bibles anymore, either.  Too inflammatory.

I Got 99 Problems...

But all my problems are personal, and since I've been intensively trained to leave the personal at home, that doesn't really apply here.

Remember when I wrote all about the Publisher's Warehouse and all the friggin' boxes of books I have in my office?  I'm down to 33!  33 boxes of books!  Yay!  I CAN SEE THE BOOKSHELVES IN MY OFFICE.  Thanks to all and each one of the Gods that I happened upon the TWO vocational prison teaching programs dedicated to the Culinary Arts because half of the remaining books (yes, even AFTER I shipped off six boxes) are cook/diet books.  (Honestly, these are mostly decent cookbooks...I've photocopied many a recipe out of these cook/diet books...except for the Dom Deluise books.  I don't trust "Eat This, It's Healthy!" recipes from a guy that tubby.)  (Side Note:  The Hippy Gourmet Cookbook [possible sic] will be mine ASALP.)

Well, the boxes and boxes are a relatively small victory.  Mostly, I'm worried about my Goals for this month.   I was out most of last week (unexpected and lamented) and, hopefully, I'll be out most of next week (mostly planned).

Oh!  And I just found out that I have to be in Jeff City for training on Wednesday.  Did anybody even think to tell me this?  Yes, surprisingly (and thankfully).  Did they give me the news on the most stressful day of my life and in the worst possible month?  A friggin' big YES.  Is my life a total logistical mess?  I don't have caps big enough.

Oh wait, some of that is personal.

Let me just say that when my Boss Boss says that I have no "support" at work, these are the times when I'm like "Support?  What do you mean by this strange word?".

And now, once again,  I have 40 hours of Work to do on the only day I'm going to be in the office next week.  Well, I always have at least 40 hours of Work to do.  This is just Things That Mostly Depend On Other People and/or Things That I Normally Do Later In The Week things that I want to get done.

/rant

P.S.  The Maintenance guys were cleaning out my air ducts on Thursday (horrible burning smell).  One Friday morning, one of my Offender Workers told Me that one of the Offender Maintenance Workers told my Offender Worker that they cleaned a nest of Brown Recluse Spiders out of the air ducts and to "be careful of the little ones".  When I'm going through the Boxes of books, what do I find?  A HYOOJ Fiddleback (colloquial term for a Brown Recluse....Fiddleback...sound out hyooj for yourself).  I'm talking inch and a half with legs spread.  Little ones?  Please. 

Totally Unexpected Fetal Pigs

My books smell like worms.

Wait, let me explain.

To those of us who remember high school after formaldehyde became a health hazard , remember when you had to dissect worm or frogs or fetal pigs (I did all three...missed out on the cats and lampreys, my bad)?  Remember that smell?  That cloying chemical, possibly cancerous, not as noxious or acerbic as formaldehyde odor?

That's what my book tape smells like.

Took me over two years to identify it, but I finally got it.  Victory!  Well, not really.

The thing is...a Publishers Warehouse when out of business.  Like, a giant storage unit in which they (shock of all shocks) stored a bunch of book by publishers.  We, as in DOC, and we as in I literally got at least half of the boxes, got the remaining stock.

As such, I was able to (forced to) sort through EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN' TITLE, reorganize them, repack them, and, of course, cherrypick whatever I wanted.  In other words, think of 9000 books and picture any possible geological formation.  I have every single one of them built of books in my library.  Mostly on the floor and under tables (the only space left now).

Okay, to get to the point:  I processed and whatnot a metric tonne of books (only 100+ last month...my goal for thin month is 200+) ...but I don't have, let's say, the preventative maintenance (book covers...or patience to cover that many).  Thus, I have been only wrapping the spines in book tape.

After 100+ spines and, you know, it's now exactly a brain-intensive exercise, your natural space-out brain function finally makes connections.

The sub-par tape I was working with before smelled of vinegar. 

This tape takes me back to my favoritest science class ever.  Possibly not in a good way (I lost eh pig-skinning contest that year).

Hell Week

This is, officially, Hell Week 2013.  I have gone in early every day so far and stayed late most of those days (and will do so again tomorrow).  And, get this, I don't get paid overtime and I can't accrue comp time, so either I leave early Saturday or I don't get paid for my time.  And I don't know if I can get enough done to leave early on Saturday.

This is why I'm so busy:

1. Next week is National Library Week.  I am required to participate in it, do promotions for the library (got some GREAT ideas for that next year), and I like to roll out "new" things in the library.  For example, this year I am rearranging the library (to make it confusing, apparently), introducing an OPAC (no, we don't have an OPAC yet...the only library in the freakin' world that doesn't have one), and offering free Bible repair (which I do anyway, I just wanted to promote it).  Normally the week before is Hell Week anyway, but it's numbers 2, 3, and 4 that make it worse.
2.  My institution just got a new classification of offenders.  These guys need their own library hours.  I found out the day they got here, which was the day before their library hours were supposed to start; they don't have library cards, and can't get applications so they can GET library cards and actually USE the library; and nobody, and I mean nobody, knows what's going on.  Oh, right, and since the Special Offenders' hours are additions to my schedule AND during the normal dinner hour, I have to cobble together volunteers to staff the library and figure out when they can go eat and get back here in time to actually work.  Mass chaos/confusion?  You betcha.
3. Budget meeting this week.  Not a huge inconvenience, but our Business Manager retired on March 31, and his second-in-command is now in charge and she doesn't know exactly what she needs to know to run the office as seamlessly as he did.  So now I'm scrambling to make sure things get ordered and delivered for the correct fiscal quarter, handling things he used to handle, and trying to get the supplies I was desperate for a month ago.  Lots of phone calls and emails and following up that I just really don't have time for.
4. New books.  I was really, really hoping to unveil the new books this quarter.  However comma some of those supplies I needed last month are book pockets (sorta essential) and paperback laminate (equally essential), so no new books yet.  On top of that, I have not had the time to read the books that need reviewing (5 down!  About 18 to go before the return period expires!).  So, I guess The Guys (read: convicted felons) are just gonna have to wait.

Alright.  I have a tuna sammich and a warm bed calling my name.  Will report on National Library Week after National Library Week.  If my To Do List doesn't gain sentience and eat me first (highly probable at this point).

FRIDAY Follow Up (Finally)

 Hooray for updates!

Okay, I know FRIDAY was two months ago, but I'm still reeling (sorta).

FRIDAY wasn't really that bad.  What was awesome was that I got a ton (standard) of books for myself during recon and a metric ton of books for my library because I was the only one who knew the layout and I could zero in on the popular authors and, basically (but not proud of it, sorta) sweep the shelves.

In all, MODOC took over 5000 books out of that bookstore.  I, personally, brought over 900 into my library.  Got rid of over half almost immediately (thank the gods).  Still have 300 left to process (long story)(wait...not really).  Let me tell you this: We ran out of boxes, so I had to go home, unload ALL the books I had packed up, and truck it back to the store and donate the boxes to the other libraries.  Then I had to act like I actually go out once in a while and lead the Convoy to the "Mexican" restaurant. 

Anyway, FRIDAY was over.  Is.  Whatever.

The following days were a mass of confusion, organizing, more confusion, more organizing, reorganizing, list-making, MOAR list-making, and frantically entering the "new" books into the system, processing them, and attempting to figure out a way to integrate them into the library. 

Then I ran out of book pockets.

For all of you accustomed to relatively old-school libraries.  The cards in the back of the books that the librarians stamped and put into a filing system go into the pockets in the backs of the books.  Barcodes and keyring library cards (and updated LIS's) that you know from your current awesome public library....well, my library literally can't be state-of-the-art...so let's say that those old-timey book pockets are kinda essential.  So I was down to 5.  Pockets, that is.  Holy Balls.

Then I got sick for a week (not a big deal, but...).  And while I was sick, I received my quarterly Book Order.  So now I have over 300 "new" books in my office and 175 (we counted) seriously New Books that can't be entered or read until I have new pockets.  Can I get a collective "Buggrit"?  Oh, and did I mention that my business manager retired and now neither I nor his temporary replacement have any idea what's going on?

And National Library Week is coming up.  I'm totally not prepared at all.  But I will be next year, dammit!  More on that in, what? Two months? ;-)

FRIDAY

First off, let me tell you I only went insane twice today.  The first time nobody was around to see it and the second time I just went a little insane, so it's all okay.

FRIDAY.  Friday will be consuming my every waking moment, and possibly my dreams, until Monday or so.  To explain: Yesterday I received word of a bookstore going out of business in my now (ugh) hometown (ugh).  Paperbacks for 25 cents a piece.  SIGN ME UP.  Especially since it doesn't come out of my budget.  Rawk on!

After a call today from one of my colleagues (I couldn't tell her anything because I didn't have any information), and after a call from Lady Boss (first moment of pure insanity/panic), I was told that we are on extremely short notice, everything is totally spur of the moment,everyone is totally unprepared, logistics are a serious problem, I'm responsible for reconnaissance, various people getting into town will, in fact, get lost, and no one knows what's really going on.  Amazing.  Seriously, fantastic.

This is my First Time.  My cherry will be popped on Friday.  I don't know how shit goes down.  So I have a second moment of insanity trying to plan for everything that needs to happen.  This includes timetables, spreadsheets, word documents, planning breakfast (hey, man, I'm friggin' nice to people visiting me) AND I have to clean/organize the house in the case of boxes of books that are, most unfortunately, not mine (mine are all in the closet...no room to store more books there).

So I do my recon.  I totally looked like I was going to rob the place (not that I wouldn't if I thought I could get away with it) since the place was closed, so my headlights were shining into the store and I was all pressed up against the glass whilst I tried to estimate how many paperbacks were on the shelves.

Tomorrow I get to collect boxes, etc. that shouldn't leave the institution, but will, goddammit.  And further recon and planning for Friday means that I get to arrive for work insanely (seems to be the word of the night) early.  Like, 2 hours early.  To make sure Things Get Done and the Library Doesn't Burn Down.

Oh, and did I mention that I have to clean/organize the house in case it becomes Rent-Free-Storage-Unit?  Yeah, and tomorrow's one of my Late Days (get home around 9pm) and I'm going to have to leave super early in order to Get Things Done.  Fantastic.  I'd better get moving.  Literally.

You Know You Have a Good Job When...

...You can make the executive decision that you are going to read the new James Patterson before anyone else gets to.  Ha!

Zoo by James Patterson (but really by Michael Ledwidge) is like diet Crichton.  And I'm a Crichton fan so, thus far, it's fairly entertaining.  Need a good beach read?  Pick up Zoo from your nearest library.  Who was it?  John Ruskin?  Once said, "If a book is worth reading, it is worth buying."  I used to practice that religiously.  So I can say, seriously, rent Zoo for free. 

One of these days, I'll have to tell y'all what Tuesdays are like.

Anyway, today was my Friday.  And it was actually Friday!  What a feeling.  Of course, because it was Friday, all the usual end-of-the-week weirdness took place.  (Across the the MODOC, the libraries generally get all of the weirdness on Fridays.  This is why I instigated the "You Know It's Friday When..." emails.)

1. One of my favorite employees was just released from disciplinary segregation and immediately came to the library and was all, "I'M GOING TO BE AT WORK THIS AFTERNOON!  I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THERE!  I STILL HAVE A JOB?!  YEAH!"  And then went woo-hoo-ing back to his house.  Yes, he was a little excited.  And for a big, loud ADD man, he was being a bit restrained.  For him.
2. This morning, my second-newest employee kept asking me questions.  Yes, he'd been told all this 2 and 3 times by various people (including myself), but ask away he did.  Almost to the detriment of my sanity.  No, if patrons have an overdue book, they may NOT check anything else out.  No, not a book.  No, not a magazine.  No, not even a newspaper (same in the system as a magazine and he knows this).  Yes, the overdue item may be a magazine, but that means you have to check the magazine back in before he can get his books.  Stop interrupting me.
3. This afternoon, Disciplinary Segregation Employee was waaaay too excited to be back at work.  And I could tell he was back.  If the decibel level of the library rises about 100 million levels, he's definitely working.  And he couldn't wait to do newspapers.  He's special, that's for sure.  Excellent customer service skills, though.
4. And my law clerk, whom I normally enjoy (he's got jokes), complained all day about how one of his cellmates has the flu.  And is in the process of infecting everybody around him.  Because, according to Law Clerk, everybody who might possibly be carrying even one bacterium or bit of virus is trying to infect him.  Let's just say that Law Clerk loves the bleach.  Comes into my office at least 3 times per shift, and he works three shifts a day, to get the bleach water to disinfect whatever he's about to touch and the doorknob.

My job is amusing.  I can say that, at least.