Oh, Bureaucracy...*sigh*

Sometimes I have to wonder at the people I work for.

For example, I generally page through the newspapers and magazines (especially the magazines) and remove inserts, gratuitous ads, and anything sexually explicit, too violent, etc.  This is policy.  Today, I found a free sample of lotion in one of the magazines.  This means that, when Administration finally catches on (two weeks or so), I will have to turn the whole issue of the magazine over to them, even though I’ve already removed the offending free sample.  Yeah, makes sense to pull a whole magazine THEY paid for so on can read it. 

When something like this happens, I go to the Administrators’ censorship spreadsheet and see if anyone’s raised the red flag yet.  Then I generally peruse the censorship list.  I guess I do this because I LIKE banging my head against the desk.  In the past month or two, here are some examples of items that have been censored (read: pulled from institutions):

• Penthouse Special Down & Dirty Issue
• Yum-Mo-Licious (Nude 45 + Hot Cougars)
• Big Black Book (a book of empty pages for writing)
• Buttcrack Mountain
• Amerikan Prisons are Government Sponsored Torture
• Mass Effect Invasion (comic book/graphic novel)
• Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton

Now, I’m sure you can tell which of these publications might not be allowed in a state prison.  Especially since policy states nothing sexually explicit, graphically violent, concerned with illegal drugs, hate speech, or promoting anti-law-enforcement or government should be available to the offenders.  However, considering that this policy is literally rammed down your throat, how does Buttcrack Mountain or Yum-Mo-Licious even get ordered?  And why does it have to go all the way to the top for censorship?

More importantly, I have issues with both the Mass Effect comic book and Guilty Pleasures.  Both were censored for “promoting violence”.  Do these censors even read?  Comic books are always full of violence.  Would Batman or X-Men be disallowed, too?  And they’re trying to save the universe from marauding aliens.  Possibly with lasers.  So real.  I guess that means I have to pull all the Star Wars and Star Trek books, because phasers and light sabers kill people, so it must be too violent.  And forget Ender’s Game, because unintentional genocide is just too much.

And I actually read Guilty Pleasures before adding it to my own library.  I knew the author could be suspect, so I read it.  It’s a very entertaining book.  And the main character uses magic rituals and a sword (I think) to kill vampires, zombies, ghouls, etc.  Totally fantasy.  I mean, is the sacrifice of Aslan promoting violence?  Do I have to redact when Eowyn kills the Witch-King of Angmar?

My absolute favorite was a book about Indian mythology…censored because it “discusses the origin of death and the first parricide”.  Welp, guess we can’t allow the offenders to have Bibles anymore, either.  Too inflammatory.

Huh?

My On-Site Supervisor once said, "If this place ever starts making sense, it's time to get out."

Veterans' Day is a State Holiday.  Meaning, of course, that I get Friday off.  Since I work Saturdays anyway, I was hoping to flip-flop the day off and have a really nice long weekend.

When I emailed my boss to make sure this was okay, I received a reply from her boss saying that it was administratively impossible for me to do this.

Because of my specific status in state employment, I am not allowed to go to work on Friday, November 11, 2011.

Huh?

Too Much James Patterson...

...rots the brain.  That's the reason there haven't been any Readers' Advisory updates - because all I've been reading is James Patterson and nothing has been recommendable until Kiss the Girls, which I finished this morning.  However, I'm pretty sure that everyone who's literate and over the age of 14 has read this, or seen the movie, and I am not planning on reviewing it (although I probably should to keep in practice).

Meant to post last week, because last week was a Week of Firsts for me.  First full week of open library hours, first purchases delivered, first random staff drug screening.  That last one is the event that really stands out because it was totally awkward.  Dear Boss, when you tell me to go to this one room at this one time and I have to SHUT DOWN THE LIBRARY TO DO THIS, I really wish policy would let you tell me not to pee before I go there.  My workers were cool with my delay, though, so it's all good.

This week has been all about getting my Monthly Report in on time (got it in early!), ridding my office out of the 10 bajillion books that are laying about (New Books, Repairs, and Random Piles Left to Me That Are Not Labeled), and compiling worker schedules/duties...oh AND working on my budget.  I can't wait until I go to the budget meeting and everyone's like, "Why do you need these not-quite-super-swanky baskets and little drawers and scotch tape?"  And I get to reply (in a professional manner), "Have you seen my supplies cabinet?  No?  Go find me my 2-inch clear book repair tape with the peel-off backing in less than 2 minutes and then tell me I don't need hundreds of dollars of organizational supplies.  Oh, and did I mention that we're down to our last two half-rolls of scotch tape and I won't be able to buy any more for at least a month?"  Yes, I like to be organized where I work.

Two final notes: 

1. I love my job.
2. I am quickly learning to hate covering paperback books.

Next week?  Developing policy.  Should be fun.  Have some ideas already.

Basic Training

First of all, let me tell you that I have been sitting in a McDonalds for the past two hours scamming some free internet, drinking soda, and generally looking schizophrenic to the casual observer (randomly typing and laughing while wearing headphone on).

For this Prison Librarian, there are three types of training: Library-Specific, In-House (tailored to the institution), and Basic, which every employee of the Department of Corrections must attend and which I have just completed my first two weeks out of three. 

The first week was primarily Corrections basics, mostly based on department policy, sensitivity training, and “stress management”.  Some good stuff, some really annoying stuff, but I both understand and appreciate the need for all employees to have a standard core to fall back on should something happen.  Professionalism, Code of Conduct, Mission, Values, and how the rehabilitation procedure is supposed to work…yes, all us employees should probably know this.

This second week we got into the more “in-depth” stuff.  Let me tell you, though, Constitutional Law and the rights of the offenders is not exactly the most exciting way to begin your week.  The other things, which I’ll probably never use, came later.  So, this week I learned how to cuff an offender two different ways, how much force I’m allowed to use in an emergency, how to do a frisk search, and how to proceed with a crime scene.  I’m a librarian.  I have my own CO.  Chances are I’ll never have to use any of this.  But whatever, it’s new info, so it’s interesting…and the hands-on stuff was wicked cool.  (Prison hooch?  Playing with real-live handcuffs?  Oh yes.) 

Anyway, I’ve been collecting Lessons of the Day, because the trainers say some truly wise/funny things about once a day.  Thus:

• ·         Never come to work nekkid. (It’s Mid-Missouri, what can I say?)
• ·         Never give up your snitch.
• ·         Peace and Love and Hug a Thug
• ·         Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.

That's all for this week.  Although you never know, I might get the next What I'm Reading done this weekend!  (pfft, right.)

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Things I Have to Do for a Paycheck

Pretty much all I did today, for about 9 hours, was read the naughty bits of romance novels - attempting to ascertain the relative naughtiness of said bits and how often they occurred in the story weighed against how engaging the plot is.

This was because the shipment of books one of the other libraries was so good to send me originated from a women's correctional center.

Life is good.