I Got 99 Problems...

But all my problems are personal, and since I've been intensively trained to leave the personal at home, that doesn't really apply here.

Remember when I wrote all about the Publisher's Warehouse and all the friggin' boxes of books I have in my office?  I'm down to 33!  33 boxes of books!  Yay!  I CAN SEE THE BOOKSHELVES IN MY OFFICE.  Thanks to all and each one of the Gods that I happened upon the TWO vocational prison teaching programs dedicated to the Culinary Arts because half of the remaining books (yes, even AFTER I shipped off six boxes) are cook/diet books.  (Honestly, these are mostly decent cookbooks...I've photocopied many a recipe out of these cook/diet books...except for the Dom Deluise books.  I don't trust "Eat This, It's Healthy!" recipes from a guy that tubby.)  (Side Note:  The Hippy Gourmet Cookbook [possible sic] will be mine ASALP.)

Well, the boxes and boxes are a relatively small victory.  Mostly, I'm worried about my Goals for this month.   I was out most of last week (unexpected and lamented) and, hopefully, I'll be out most of next week (mostly planned).

Oh!  And I just found out that I have to be in Jeff City for training on Wednesday.  Did anybody even think to tell me this?  Yes, surprisingly (and thankfully).  Did they give me the news on the most stressful day of my life and in the worst possible month?  A friggin' big YES.  Is my life a total logistical mess?  I don't have caps big enough.

Oh wait, some of that is personal.

Let me just say that when my Boss Boss says that I have no "support" at work, these are the times when I'm like "Support?  What do you mean by this strange word?".

And now, once again,  I have 40 hours of Work to do on the only day I'm going to be in the office next week.  Well, I always have at least 40 hours of Work to do.  This is just Things That Mostly Depend On Other People and/or Things That I Normally Do Later In The Week things that I want to get done.

/rant

P.S.  The Maintenance guys were cleaning out my air ducts on Thursday (horrible burning smell).  One Friday morning, one of my Offender Workers told Me that one of the Offender Maintenance Workers told my Offender Worker that they cleaned a nest of Brown Recluse Spiders out of the air ducts and to "be careful of the little ones".  When I'm going through the Boxes of books, what do I find?  A HYOOJ Fiddleback (colloquial term for a Brown Recluse....Fiddleback...sound out hyooj for yourself).  I'm talking inch and a half with legs spread.  Little ones?  Please. 

Hell Week

This is, officially, Hell Week 2013.  I have gone in early every day so far and stayed late most of those days (and will do so again tomorrow).  And, get this, I don't get paid overtime and I can't accrue comp time, so either I leave early Saturday or I don't get paid for my time.  And I don't know if I can get enough done to leave early on Saturday.

This is why I'm so busy:

1. Next week is National Library Week.  I am required to participate in it, do promotions for the library (got some GREAT ideas for that next year), and I like to roll out "new" things in the library.  For example, this year I am rearranging the library (to make it confusing, apparently), introducing an OPAC (no, we don't have an OPAC yet...the only library in the freakin' world that doesn't have one), and offering free Bible repair (which I do anyway, I just wanted to promote it).  Normally the week before is Hell Week anyway, but it's numbers 2, 3, and 4 that make it worse.
2.  My institution just got a new classification of offenders.  These guys need their own library hours.  I found out the day they got here, which was the day before their library hours were supposed to start; they don't have library cards, and can't get applications so they can GET library cards and actually USE the library; and nobody, and I mean nobody, knows what's going on.  Oh, right, and since the Special Offenders' hours are additions to my schedule AND during the normal dinner hour, I have to cobble together volunteers to staff the library and figure out when they can go eat and get back here in time to actually work.  Mass chaos/confusion?  You betcha.
3. Budget meeting this week.  Not a huge inconvenience, but our Business Manager retired on March 31, and his second-in-command is now in charge and she doesn't know exactly what she needs to know to run the office as seamlessly as he did.  So now I'm scrambling to make sure things get ordered and delivered for the correct fiscal quarter, handling things he used to handle, and trying to get the supplies I was desperate for a month ago.  Lots of phone calls and emails and following up that I just really don't have time for.
4. New books.  I was really, really hoping to unveil the new books this quarter.  However comma some of those supplies I needed last month are book pockets (sorta essential) and paperback laminate (equally essential), so no new books yet.  On top of that, I have not had the time to read the books that need reviewing (5 down!  About 18 to go before the return period expires!).  So, I guess The Guys (read: convicted felons) are just gonna have to wait.

Alright.  I have a tuna sammich and a warm bed calling my name.  Will report on National Library Week after National Library Week.  If my To Do List doesn't gain sentience and eat me first (highly probable at this point).

FRIDAY Follow Up (Finally)

 Hooray for updates!

Okay, I know FRIDAY was two months ago, but I'm still reeling (sorta).

FRIDAY wasn't really that bad.  What was awesome was that I got a ton (standard) of books for myself during recon and a metric ton of books for my library because I was the only one who knew the layout and I could zero in on the popular authors and, basically (but not proud of it, sorta) sweep the shelves.

In all, MODOC took over 5000 books out of that bookstore.  I, personally, brought over 900 into my library.  Got rid of over half almost immediately (thank the gods).  Still have 300 left to process (long story)(wait...not really).  Let me tell you this: We ran out of boxes, so I had to go home, unload ALL the books I had packed up, and truck it back to the store and donate the boxes to the other libraries.  Then I had to act like I actually go out once in a while and lead the Convoy to the "Mexican" restaurant. 

Anyway, FRIDAY was over.  Is.  Whatever.

The following days were a mass of confusion, organizing, more confusion, more organizing, reorganizing, list-making, MOAR list-making, and frantically entering the "new" books into the system, processing them, and attempting to figure out a way to integrate them into the library. 

Then I ran out of book pockets.

For all of you accustomed to relatively old-school libraries.  The cards in the back of the books that the librarians stamped and put into a filing system go into the pockets in the backs of the books.  Barcodes and keyring library cards (and updated LIS's) that you know from your current awesome public library....well, my library literally can't be state-of-the-art...so let's say that those old-timey book pockets are kinda essential.  So I was down to 5.  Pockets, that is.  Holy Balls.

Then I got sick for a week (not a big deal, but...).  And while I was sick, I received my quarterly Book Order.  So now I have over 300 "new" books in my office and 175 (we counted) seriously New Books that can't be entered or read until I have new pockets.  Can I get a collective "Buggrit"?  Oh, and did I mention that my business manager retired and now neither I nor his temporary replacement have any idea what's going on?

And National Library Week is coming up.  I'm totally not prepared at all.  But I will be next year, dammit!  More on that in, what? Two months? ;-)

FRIDAY

First off, let me tell you I only went insane twice today.  The first time nobody was around to see it and the second time I just went a little insane, so it's all okay.

FRIDAY.  Friday will be consuming my every waking moment, and possibly my dreams, until Monday or so.  To explain: Yesterday I received word of a bookstore going out of business in my now (ugh) hometown (ugh).  Paperbacks for 25 cents a piece.  SIGN ME UP.  Especially since it doesn't come out of my budget.  Rawk on!

After a call today from one of my colleagues (I couldn't tell her anything because I didn't have any information), and after a call from Lady Boss (first moment of pure insanity/panic), I was told that we are on extremely short notice, everything is totally spur of the moment,everyone is totally unprepared, logistics are a serious problem, I'm responsible for reconnaissance, various people getting into town will, in fact, get lost, and no one knows what's really going on.  Amazing.  Seriously, fantastic.

This is my First Time.  My cherry will be popped on Friday.  I don't know how shit goes down.  So I have a second moment of insanity trying to plan for everything that needs to happen.  This includes timetables, spreadsheets, word documents, planning breakfast (hey, man, I'm friggin' nice to people visiting me) AND I have to clean/organize the house in the case of boxes of books that are, most unfortunately, not mine (mine are all in the closet...no room to store more books there).

So I do my recon.  I totally looked like I was going to rob the place (not that I wouldn't if I thought I could get away with it) since the place was closed, so my headlights were shining into the store and I was all pressed up against the glass whilst I tried to estimate how many paperbacks were on the shelves.

Tomorrow I get to collect boxes, etc. that shouldn't leave the institution, but will, goddammit.  And further recon and planning for Friday means that I get to arrive for work insanely (seems to be the word of the night) early.  Like, 2 hours early.  To make sure Things Get Done and the Library Doesn't Burn Down.

Oh, and did I mention that I have to clean/organize the house in case it becomes Rent-Free-Storage-Unit?  Yeah, and tomorrow's one of my Late Days (get home around 9pm) and I'm going to have to leave super early in order to Get Things Done.  Fantastic.  I'd better get moving.  Literally.

Anniversary

Eine Jahre.  Un Ano.  Ena chronia. Um ano. Unus annus.  One year.

I have been a Prison Librarian for one full year.  Today.  Holy balls, where does the time go?

I mean this day (I thought it was Friday until I realized it was Wednesday), this week, these past three months, have lasted for-ev-er.  But a year?  Damn!  And I still feel like I'm just getting my feet wet while hitting the ground running every day.  Hells Bells, I've been cleaning out my office for the past two days.  As in getting rid of things my predecessor had stockpiled but never used.  After a year.

Product of the Past Year:  I'm a damned better librarian (not that my program actually teaches anybody about serious career-ship); I have gained a life-saving, yet limiting, understanding of stats; I have taught myself to repair any book given basic glue, book tape, scotch tape, a glue gun, and shirt cardboard; attempted to consistently reign in my temper when my workers are seriously annoying (losing battle, might have to fire some people); and learned the most basic of basic cataloging.  And I have a Year of Experience.  Oh, and collection development.  Almost a full-time job on its own.

Goals for the Next Year:   Learn how to do conduct violations/fire people (to save my already precarious sanity). Get better at conduct violations/firing people.  Finally get a book order approved in time to get ALL the back-ordered books before the Business Manager tells me he won't pay for them anymore (99% not my fault...I mostly dislike Central Office on  this).  Try to get The Newsletter, which I've been hounded and badgered and other animal-ed about, up and running and not stupid AFTER my most annoying employee leaves.

Lots of goals.  And I really don't want to do the newsletter.  But hey, I've survived a year!  And with only one Seriously Awkward Occurrence!

O.M.G. Stuff!

I don't know whether to tell y'all all the things in Hyperbole And A Half-speak* (which I was addicted to a week ago) or Anthony Bourdain No Reservations-speak (which I'm addicted to now).

Honestly, the best I can do is cuss and say, On Man, all about puttin' out fires.

First of all, I really hate how blogsspot makes me search, sometimes in vain, for those enters I constantly enter.  I mean, I hit "enter" twice to start a new paragraph...why do I have to involve arrow keys?  Unfortunately, I'm not famous enough to branch out on my own, so I'll have to deal with it and love it.

(Two enters and some down keys later).  This past week has been KA-RAZY (misspellings and hypens don't do it justice)!  To begin, I received my first ever book order.  That's right, my peeps, I received over 130 books.  Magically.  Possibly in the mail.  It was unexpected and overwhelming and, above all, amazing.  My guys haven't had any new books, other than half-read things donated by other institutions, for over 6 months now.  My employees are totally stoked.  I can't wait to see how my Patron react.  Probably with complaints and requests, but whatever.  My Guys come in, see the books, peruse for waaaay longer than my CO likes, get chased out, then start post-it-ing their names all over the books.  HAPPY EMPLOYEES MAKE HAPPY PATRONS.

And the company that we deal with for book sent the cataloging software on Friday.  Which means I'll be cataloging the other, say, 100 books on my own.  Hope My Guys don't want their books anytime soon... (buggering third parties.)

Also, we, as a Department, have completely revamped the legal database.  Basically, for those of my (very few) loyal readers that understand this semi-technical crap, we have switched from LexisNexis to WestLaw for (online-ish) legal research.  To be honest, I loathe both.  I would never use either ever (I have family for this kind of thing), but whatever.  It the cheaper, and supposedly better, contract that we got.

In a nutshell, what it meant for me was a week and a half of scrambling around, receiving orders, trying to coordinate with the Idiot who A) wouldn't take my calls, and B) had an only slightly better idea of what was going on (we had a tech come out to test the brand new not-dial-up line...got about 4 hours notice - because the tech called ahead - the Idiot had no idea anything was happening).  It all culminated in me being Ultimately and Awesomely Prepared on most levels, and being all Uhhh...What when my Boss-Boss asked me one simple question.  Strange but Awesome! people in my library, me not eating for nearly 24 hours, LOTS of list-making-and-checking-and-double-checking-and-more-list-making, and talking Dr. Who and anime with "The Girls".  Talk about Stressed Out Awesome Fun Time Leaving Me With Terrible, Terrible Bruises (the old server must have weighed a good 80 pounds and I had to tetris the guy's trunk for him...the other server weighed around 60).  Worth it on a professional and personal level...except that I hate my law clerk and now have to "train" him on WestLaw and he knows we can print now.   (I had continued the fiction that we couldn't only because I don't want to deal with it.  Where is S.?  Why doesn't he come back to me?  He's so much better than O.)

Anyway, last week was crazy.  This week I'm going to have to call a bunch of people, catalog way too many books, glue WAY to many books together, COVER ALL OF THE BOOKS (let me know if this link doesn't work correctly), put together a Book List, mentally restructure my library, fend my law clerk off with a stick, hire two more guys, somehow cultivate the level of service I'm used to (got two guys who are awesome, one guy who didn't realize he was getting paid, and, well, suck-tards) and, generally, just want to shut everything out and do USA Today crossword puzzles and Sudokus, and, oh, Thursday is the 15th, which means making a lot of lists and filling out forms and somehow finding volunteers to venture into The Hole (even though they're allowed to leave).

Gods, I love this job.

P.S.  Oh, and CO Guy has finally stopped hitting on me.   We're still "good friends" apparently...?

 ~~~
*Hyperbole and a Half is the best comic-blog evar that you could possibly read or find online.  Click the link, any of then, and start from the beginning.  If you start from the beginning, you will come to fully appreciate how awesome both Girl and Blog are.  Trust me on this.  I'm addicted on an Intervention-type level.  ("Hi, I'm KP and I'm 29 and I've been reading Hyperbole and a Half for 3 years...")