Uhhh...

All I have to say right now...

Is that the CO who has been strenuously hitting on me for months decided to tell me today about the "platinum diamond ring" he bought his fiance.  From Walmart. For 300 dollars. After I haven't seen hide nor hair from him for a fortnight.

Awkward?  Yes.  Mostly because it was cold.  Partially because the ring was from Walmart and I didn't have the heart to tell him he should get it appraised.

More professional things (possibly bitching) tomorrow.

O.M.G. Stuff!

I don't know whether to tell y'all all the things in Hyperbole And A Half-speak* (which I was addicted to a week ago) or Anthony Bourdain No Reservations-speak (which I'm addicted to now).

Honestly, the best I can do is cuss and say, On Man, all about puttin' out fires.

First of all, I really hate how blogsspot makes me search, sometimes in vain, for those enters I constantly enter.  I mean, I hit "enter" twice to start a new paragraph...why do I have to involve arrow keys?  Unfortunately, I'm not famous enough to branch out on my own, so I'll have to deal with it and love it.

(Two enters and some down keys later).  This past week has been KA-RAZY (misspellings and hypens don't do it justice)!  To begin, I received my first ever book order.  That's right, my peeps, I received over 130 books.  Magically.  Possibly in the mail.  It was unexpected and overwhelming and, above all, amazing.  My guys haven't had any new books, other than half-read things donated by other institutions, for over 6 months now.  My employees are totally stoked.  I can't wait to see how my Patron react.  Probably with complaints and requests, but whatever.  My Guys come in, see the books, peruse for waaaay longer than my CO likes, get chased out, then start post-it-ing their names all over the books.  HAPPY EMPLOYEES MAKE HAPPY PATRONS.

And the company that we deal with for book sent the cataloging software on Friday.  Which means I'll be cataloging the other, say, 100 books on my own.  Hope My Guys don't want their books anytime soon... (buggering third parties.)

Also, we, as a Department, have completely revamped the legal database.  Basically, for those of my (very few) loyal readers that understand this semi-technical crap, we have switched from LexisNexis to WestLaw for (online-ish) legal research.  To be honest, I loathe both.  I would never use either ever (I have family for this kind of thing), but whatever.  It the cheaper, and supposedly better, contract that we got.

In a nutshell, what it meant for me was a week and a half of scrambling around, receiving orders, trying to coordinate with the Idiot who A) wouldn't take my calls, and B) had an only slightly better idea of what was going on (we had a tech come out to test the brand new not-dial-up line...got about 4 hours notice - because the tech called ahead - the Idiot had no idea anything was happening).  It all culminated in me being Ultimately and Awesomely Prepared on most levels, and being all Uhhh...What when my Boss-Boss asked me one simple question.  Strange but Awesome! people in my library, me not eating for nearly 24 hours, LOTS of list-making-and-checking-and-double-checking-and-more-list-making, and talking Dr. Who and anime with "The Girls".  Talk about Stressed Out Awesome Fun Time Leaving Me With Terrible, Terrible Bruises (the old server must have weighed a good 80 pounds and I had to tetris the guy's trunk for him...the other server weighed around 60).  Worth it on a professional and personal level...except that I hate my law clerk and now have to "train" him on WestLaw and he knows we can print now.   (I had continued the fiction that we couldn't only because I don't want to deal with it.  Where is S.?  Why doesn't he come back to me?  He's so much better than O.)

Anyway, last week was crazy.  This week I'm going to have to call a bunch of people, catalog way too many books, glue WAY to many books together, COVER ALL OF THE BOOKS (let me know if this link doesn't work correctly), put together a Book List, mentally restructure my library, fend my law clerk off with a stick, hire two more guys, somehow cultivate the level of service I'm used to (got two guys who are awesome, one guy who didn't realize he was getting paid, and, well, suck-tards) and, generally, just want to shut everything out and do USA Today crossword puzzles and Sudokus, and, oh, Thursday is the 15th, which means making a lot of lists and filling out forms and somehow finding volunteers to venture into The Hole (even though they're allowed to leave).

Gods, I love this job.

P.S.  Oh, and CO Guy has finally stopped hitting on me.   We're still "good friends" apparently...?

 ~~~
*Hyperbole and a Half is the best comic-blog evar that you could possibly read or find online.  Click the link, any of then, and start from the beginning.  If you start from the beginning, you will come to fully appreciate how awesome both Girl and Blog are.  Trust me on this.  I'm addicted on an Intervention-type level.  ("Hi, I'm KP and I'm 29 and I've been reading Hyperbole and a Half for 3 years...")

I'm Famous!

According to the view-tracker-dealie, I've had 15 views from Russia and 4 from Germany.

I'm an international marvel!  WOOOO!

(Unfortunately I can't tell if any are repeat viewers. But I'm still famous!)

The "Extinguisher"

It makes me sound like a wrestler or a super hero or, even better, a hit man.  Or a fireman with a really inflated sense of self-esteem.

No, it was just the nature of The Job today.  Remember this post?

 Well, turns out that if I don't spend, like, three grand in the next week (on new books), I'm gonna lose it.  Having FINALLY gotten approval from the higher ups, I spent the next two hours (two? closer to 3, I think) going over my book list, removing books I deemed inappropriate the second/third/fifth/umpteenth time around, researching our sales rep, failing, randomly emailing people I thought could be my sales rep, and trying to calculate a price quote for myself.

And this is a short week thanks to Thanksgiving, and I still have a bunch ton to do in the next 14 hours, the least of which is actually get a decent amount of sleep, so I will leave you with this thought (cross posted on Facebook):

OH MY GOD IT'LL BE THANKSGIVING SOON AND AFTER THAT I CAN WATCH HOME ALONE 24/7 IF IT'S ON NETFLIX OR I GET A USB DVD PLAYER FOR MY COMPUTER. Yes, if it's not on Netflix, the USB DVD player will have to go to the top of my Need list. Possibly before a coffee maker.

Huh?

My On-Site Supervisor once said, "If this place ever starts making sense, it's time to get out."

Veterans' Day is a State Holiday.  Meaning, of course, that I get Friday off.  Since I work Saturdays anyway, I was hoping to flip-flop the day off and have a really nice long weekend.

When I emailed my boss to make sure this was okay, I received a reply from her boss saying that it was administratively impossible for me to do this.

Because of my specific status in state employment, I am not allowed to go to work on Friday, November 11, 2011.

Huh?

Not Nearly A Bad Day, But...

Over the weekend, something died in my heating ducts.  I sit underneath the main vent.

Spent 7 hours staring at the same list (or variations of that list) because I compiled the original incorrectly and it's too late to redo it.

Almost hit two idiot teenagers while they attempted to cross a highway (speed limit 65mph and for once I wasn't going 5 over, thank the gods), at night, in dark clothing.

And I get a three day weekend.  *grin*

Puttin' Out Fires and Gettin' Shit Done...Mostly

Wow, I owe you guys a lot.  Not that anyone really reads this, but I still owe you.

Okay, FIRST (that looks awkward in all caps), based on my previous post, Correction Officer (hereby referred to as CO Guy), gave me his cell number the other day.  Luckily he hasn't asked why I haven't called.  Honestly, I really hope he does so I can put him in his place/teach him a lesson about asking whether or not Ladies have Significant Others before not-so-bluntly "asking them out" (pretty sure he was angling for me to move in with him...not sure, won't judge...yet).

Also, WOW has a LOT been going on since I last posted.  I've met all of the other DOC Librarians.  They mostly say the same thing (when the Veterans aren't talking about retirement...Transfer Opportunities!), this job is all about Putting Out Fires and finding the time to Get Shit Done.  I've asked my Employees (don't like to think of them as "Offender Workers"...except the one that pisses me off constantly) and they say I spend way too much time holed up in my office.  I'm trying to Get Shit Done!  And, of course, when I'm actually being productive, M -- we all blame him for everything that goes wrong, but he has an excellent sense of humor and is the only Employee that can tell I Can't Be Bothered Right Now -- is in my office every five minutes telling me in great detail the problem (VERY helpful, that attention to detail) and then asking if I need help/constantly checking up on me.  Good show, that.

Honestly, I'm pretty much forbidden to play favorites, but certain others from my past know how much I can rely on a Number 1.  M is my Number 1 for this job.  I will be very sad to lose him and his friend at the end of the month -- M not only does all the dirty work I don't want to do, but is Ecstatic to do it (I'm actually considering offering him a Letter of Rec should he ever get a real job on the outside) -- and I really don't want to see him come back, but I do want to see him come back.  Because he does so much I don't want to do and I'm lazy and have lots of lists to write.

Coincidentally, I mentioned to my Real Boss that half this job was list-writing.  Her response was a stressed, melodramatic sigh.  That's cool.  I love lists.  I'm closet OCD.

Also, I'm giving CO Guy a week (my personal CO won't be here then, so CO Guy will feel Free And Clear) before he asks why I haven't called him.  Man, I have so many snappy comebacks planned, he'll probably be even more impressed and start comin' round more often.

OH!  And, most importantly, in the past month and some, got my Budget approved (not hard here), placed all my purchase orders, got my miscellaneous funds spending approved (might have to spend more of that in the next week), placed all THOSE purchase orders, repaired a bunch of books my library doesn't even own, did a Good Deed, interacted will a lot of Offenders that love the Library (rawk on!), and mostly completed the Major Task (Inventory...dun dun duuuuuhn) that should have been completely completed last month.  Oh, and got the heat fixed so that it works too well now and everyone complains.

It's been a good, busy month. *grin*

Awkward

I think one of the Corrections Officers might be hitting on me. 

I was actually okay with this until the second hour of him still being in my office.

Oooooh, Convict Employees...

Highlights of My Day:

One of my best  Employees was so happy today.  Why?  Because he had an hour-long conference call (on MY time) with his lawyer.  He's confident that, even with his "17 felonies" and 58K in lawyers' fees ("that's a house!...Well, it's almost my house."), he only has to do 5 years in Fed.  He left my office crowing, "5 years, in 2 I'll be home!"

My other Con Employee asked what I read.  When I replied, "Mostly fantasy, but also mystery, biography, and some urban fiction, but I'm really only up to Patterson in the mystery genre."  He was all, "Urban fiction?"  And I say, "Hot books" (In my setting, urban fiction tends to be stolen/destroyed, therefore designated a "hot book" and only lent out for one week).  He gives me this 'but you're clearly a white girl from the 'burbs...why would you be reading this shit?' look and sorta grunt and all I can say is, "Well they're popular around here and ya'll always want more, so I figured I should familiarize myself with the genre."  This got an even weirder look and, saints be praised, guy actually shut up for 10 seconds and quit attempting to schmooze me.

Yeah, a lot of weird in about 45 minutes of my day.

Too Much James Patterson...

...rots the brain.  That's the reason there haven't been any Readers' Advisory updates - because all I've been reading is James Patterson and nothing has been recommendable until Kiss the Girls, which I finished this morning.  However, I'm pretty sure that everyone who's literate and over the age of 14 has read this, or seen the movie, and I am not planning on reviewing it (although I probably should to keep in practice).

Meant to post last week, because last week was a Week of Firsts for me.  First full week of open library hours, first purchases delivered, first random staff drug screening.  That last one is the event that really stands out because it was totally awkward.  Dear Boss, when you tell me to go to this one room at this one time and I have to SHUT DOWN THE LIBRARY TO DO THIS, I really wish policy would let you tell me not to pee before I go there.  My workers were cool with my delay, though, so it's all good.

This week has been all about getting my Monthly Report in on time (got it in early!), ridding my office out of the 10 bajillion books that are laying about (New Books, Repairs, and Random Piles Left to Me That Are Not Labeled), and compiling worker schedules/duties...oh AND working on my budget.  I can't wait until I go to the budget meeting and everyone's like, "Why do you need these not-quite-super-swanky baskets and little drawers and scotch tape?"  And I get to reply (in a professional manner), "Have you seen my supplies cabinet?  No?  Go find me my 2-inch clear book repair tape with the peel-off backing in less than 2 minutes and then tell me I don't need hundreds of dollars of organizational supplies.  Oh, and did I mention that we're down to our last two half-rolls of scotch tape and I won't be able to buy any more for at least a month?"  Yes, I like to be organized where I work.

Two final notes: 

1. I love my job.
2. I am quickly learning to hate covering paperback books.

Next week?  Developing policy.  Should be fun.  Have some ideas already.

Moar Filler

Holy Balls, it's been a while since I've posted!  I didn't realize...hafta get on a schedule...

Anyway, more later on my first, well, lots of stuff.

Have I mentioned lately that I love my job?

Filler

After a very eventful weekend and a rather quiet "weekend" (my weekend is Sunday and Monday), I'm rather bored.  Today I finished two books, got a readers' advisory posted, put on real pants, debated whether to buy or rent, updated my reading list, stretched out my poor back, did an epic load of crunches, put a bunch of books on hold at the library, and didn't do the one thing I planned on doing today (folding the whole half-basket of laundry).  Well and thoroughly bored.  Thank goodness I work tomorrow.

Did I mention that I recently (finally) read Room and have done a readers' advisory?  (Criticism welcome as it hones my rusty skills.)

Back to Work (the Future?)

First off, Windows Starter with Windows Whatever The F* It Is Now is friggin’ annoying.  I can’t program it to start with either single or double spacing (as opposed to 1.15 spacing with 10 pt. whatever) in 12 pt. Times New Roman (AS IS NORMAL) instead of 11pt. Calibri, a font of which I’ve never even heard.

So, today was the First Day Back from the three weeks of “basic training” at the Central Office.  Basic was not…quite…as basic as I’d hoped.  Simultaneously as boring as I feared and more entertaining than I’d hoped.  Hey man, I learned how to cuff people two different ways AND use pepper spray…neither of which I will ever use.  But hey, if I’m not learning how to use the radio I’m forced to take with me every day, why not be forced to learn defensive tactics when I’m not allowed to carry cuffs or pepper spray?

Anyway, First Day Back was more about answering my email and stopping my head from spinning around in that Exorcist minus the pea green vomit way.  (Same facial expressions applied, believe me.)  First it was all OMG Drowning in Emailz.  Then it was OMFG Drowning in Paper Mailz for Too Long.  Oh, and did I mention that I have a Book Order due yesterday?  (NB: As of posting, possibly 2 or 3 days ago.)  I checked.  All other institutions had between 170 and 200 books on their lists.  I currently have 10.  I’ve tried. Future Librarians Listen to Me, learning, knowing, and being intimately involved with your collections takes time, effort, love, and ever more time and effort.  And possibly love.  And maybe some passion.  I have all of the above, but right now I’m more concerned with getting copy paper and library cards, and if I have time, some correction ribbon for the typewriters. 

Honestly, today I spent most of my time typing up purchase requests so that I could spend the sweet dolla dolla bills that have been approved in my budget.  Because I need barcode scanners and mazagines and newspapers I will never read…BUT MY PATRONS WILL.

And in the end, that’s all that matters...

Until I tell them they only have hand-me-down romance novels from the women’s institution to read for the next 3 months.

(I don’t think they’ll complain.  I’ve skimmed them all…they’re, uh, not bad.)  ;-)

Oh, and don't hold this against me, but I have two more Readers' Advisory to do, for one of which I've lost my notes and just returned to the library, and the other I haven't written notes on yet.  And I've just started a new, critically-acclaimed book.  I'll work on this, I promise.

Top CO

Our trainer today reminds me a lot of Tom Colicchio.

Basic Training

First of all, let me tell you that I have been sitting in a McDonalds for the past two hours scamming some free internet, drinking soda, and generally looking schizophrenic to the casual observer (randomly typing and laughing while wearing headphone on).

For this Prison Librarian, there are three types of training: Library-Specific, In-House (tailored to the institution), and Basic, which every employee of the Department of Corrections must attend and which I have just completed my first two weeks out of three. 

The first week was primarily Corrections basics, mostly based on department policy, sensitivity training, and “stress management”.  Some good stuff, some really annoying stuff, but I both understand and appreciate the need for all employees to have a standard core to fall back on should something happen.  Professionalism, Code of Conduct, Mission, Values, and how the rehabilitation procedure is supposed to work…yes, all us employees should probably know this.

This second week we got into the more “in-depth” stuff.  Let me tell you, though, Constitutional Law and the rights of the offenders is not exactly the most exciting way to begin your week.  The other things, which I’ll probably never use, came later.  So, this week I learned how to cuff an offender two different ways, how much force I’m allowed to use in an emergency, how to do a frisk search, and how to proceed with a crime scene.  I’m a librarian.  I have my own CO.  Chances are I’ll never have to use any of this.  But whatever, it’s new info, so it’s interesting…and the hands-on stuff was wicked cool.  (Prison hooch?  Playing with real-live handcuffs?  Oh yes.) 

Anyway, I’ve been collecting Lessons of the Day, because the trainers say some truly wise/funny things about once a day.  Thus:

• ·         Never come to work nekkid. (It’s Mid-Missouri, what can I say?)
• ·         Never give up your snitch.
• ·         Peace and Love and Hug a Thug
• ·         Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.

That's all for this week.  Although you never know, I might get the next What I'm Reading done this weekend!  (pfft, right.)

  (

About the Job

I don’t really know where to start.  The basics, I guess.  I am the new Librarian for a state-run correctional facility in Missouri.  My library is comprised of about 8000 items, and includes books, periodicals, reference materials, and a law library (and I think audiobooks, maybe).  The library is based very closely on a public library model, complete with DDC (that’s Dewey Decimal Classification to you folks).  The law library consists of state legal directories, institutional policies, access to a legal database, and a legal reference worker.  The only thing my library can’t do is interlibrary loan – although I can make that happen in a pinch.

My job is…the library.  I am responsible for the budget, acquisitions, collection development, managing my offender-workers, maintaining the law library, tech support, supplies, book repair, cataloging, networking with key stakeholders (mainly the Education and Therapy departments), and keeping the library running on a day-to-day basis.  I am Queen of my own Library Land. 

The toughest part right now is A) getting the schedule down, and B) getting everything done that needs to be done.  The schedule mostly refers to the way financing and acquisitions are handled.  For example, I have a wishlist of books due in two weeks, my budget for the fiscal quarter hasn’t been approved yet, and my budget for the next quarter is due in about a month (and my next wishlist is due a month after that).  So, sometime in the next month I have to:

1.      Compile my wishlist,

2.      Prepare my purchase orders,

3.      Spend all the money I asked for,

4.      Develop a budget I can’t spend for another 2 months, and

5.      Compile my next wishlist consisting of both the books previously ordered that didn’t get in on time and new books I want for the library.

Oh, and did I mention that I’m out of town for training the next two weeks?

Things are crazy.  Things will get crazier.  Actually, I’m getting used to things being this way and I’m a little scared to think what will happen if my brain stops running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  Wouldn’t want to be bored now…

Questions?

And check out the What I'm Reading section!  New book!

Readers' Advisory

The first book reviewed for readers' advisory is now up - Ballistics by Billy Collins.  W00t!

About Me

I’m a chick with a large family and loves reading, books, school, my pets (more on that later, I’m sure), good beer and excellent pubs (not bars), the interwebs, living in my own head (more on that eventually, I’m also sure), and…well, customer service.  The Books, the School, and, most importantly, the Customer Service* got me into this.  I am a Voracious Reader ( the caps on this mean a lot), have my own burgeoning collection of first editions I care for more tenderly than I would a newborn baby/kitten, and my Need for school persuaded me to Library School.  Thus I went; whence I found my current career.  One of my best friends told me I live in my own “cartoon world”, so if what I say doesn’t make sense, deal with it…it makes sense to me. 

Trained as a Clasiscist.  For you born north of the 1800s, that means Latin ‘n’ Greek ‘n’ Ancient Rome ‘n’ stuff.  Classics school damned near broke me (surprisingly cutthroat…and all I wanted to do was translate forever), so I took a few years, worked my ass off at the best job I’ve ever had**, then became disillusioned and went back to Library School full time.  Got totally poor working two jobs that didn’t quite make it, randomly applied for this one.  Epically failed first interview; nailed the second one. 

School is theory, the economy is uber-tight, and I’m damned lucky to have decent work as a, get this, Librarian.  I knew nothing in a library setting except checking books in and out and inter-library loan…and these are the two things I don’t do at this job.  Learning experience, definitely.  Career move?  YES.

Really About Me:  I’m a Scorpio through and through.  I love pizza and beer.  And I LOVE my birthday (so if I ever get popular and obtain a lot of readers, wish me a happy birthday).  Did I mention that I love my pets?  Oh, and I live off of the printed word and Netflix.  Have a sick obsession with Netflix.  As in, I don’t get sleep if there’s a series to be watched that’s streaming…and a series watched via discs in the mail is simultaneously disappointing and sooooo sweet.

~~~

*Also, random punctuation/capitalization  (and parantheses and the inability to stop all three) will appear constantly.  Cf., Disclaimer and Real Disclaimer.

**It may ever live on as Best Job, but this one will give it a run for its money, so to speak.  (Pay’s better at this one.)

Disclaimerz For Realz

Disclaimer*:  I can’t promise to be 100% professional.  This blog is (pretty much) a first try.  The first time I was standing outside my library thinking, “I’m an upper-middle class, sheltered white girl from Yankee territory…what the hell am I doing here?”, I almost simultaneously thought, “Dude, I should blog.”  Took me another fortnight to actually make the slightly-buzzed impulse purchase of my life (current laptop), but I think (and hope) that it’s all for the best.  I am going to try my best to not bitch about the job, which I’ve only done once (no, really!) in my six weeks so far, or keep it strictly professional – let’s face it, my train of thought usually involves at least two different engines attached to at least two different…uh., trains, but this is my chance to grow as a professional and a human being on this completely crazy path I’ve found myself travelling.

Real Disclaimer:  Again, I can’t promise to be 100% professional. More importantly, I can’t promise to be entertaining, but I’m going to try.  I’ll admit, I’m in over my head.**  I did none of the research I claimed I did in my interview.  I’m taking the theory I’m learning in school and melding it with the common sense and experience I’ve learned from 28 years of life and the years I’ve spent managing food service.  Cut me some freakin’ slack.  I’m a human being, dammit.  Oh, and I curse a lot in my head.  Most likely some of that will come out, especially if I don’t proofread.***/**** However comma I am going to try to relate the basic life of a prison librarian, what I learn, and possibly (not too likely until I get comfy with it) activate a little bit.

~~~

*They're posted, published, and therefore law.  You don't like it, tough.  Raised by lawyers, family to lawyers, and worked for a litigator.  Disclaimer's here to stay.  Sue at your own risk.  (I know the difference between slander and libel and which holds up in court...Also, I have about 50 bucks, another 3 dollars in my wallet, and quite a lot of first editions that are worth, well, nothing yet.  It's your dime; start talkin'.)

**My Mother, at least, will be glad to know that all those swimming lessons I spent treading water have not gone to waste even though I’ve never been shipwrecked.

***I hate proofreading.  Barely ever follow through with it.

****Is there a way to do footnotes in Blogger?  I'm a Classicist by nature and training, people, we build 50-year long careers (and tenure) on footnotes and asterisks are awkward.

Forays into Collection Development

Today, because we barely even skimmed her visit a month ago, my Boss gave me the three hour Training in Collection Development.  This has been my absolutely worst class to date*.  I don't know if it was the prof or the material or the syllabus, but I was completely wasted on that class (or vice versa). 

I'm happy to report that I learned more today in three real hours than I learned that semester in three credit hours.  And this time I got paid to learn instead of paying to be confused.  Rawk on.

~~~
*Except for anything Math in undergrad.  This includes being sandbagged by the archaeology professor who didn't understand I was not, in fact, an archaeologist while I was at Canada.

Things I Have to Do for a Paycheck

Pretty much all I did today, for about 9 hours, was read the naughty bits of romance novels - attempting to ascertain the relative naughtiness of said bits and how often they occurred in the story weighed against how engaging the plot is.

This was because the shipment of books one of the other libraries was so good to send me originated from a women's correctional center.

Life is good.

First Blog Post Since I Abandoned LJ

This is just a test so far.  To see how things look and whatnot.  No, I do not have anything of substance to say, so you'll just have to wait.

And isn't it nice that Google/Blogger has a bookish theme for me to use?